Fun with Auditory Processing Dysfunction

How To Cleanse Your Soul

By Dan Travis

Having a significant case of Sensory Processing Disorder, I have multiple forms of dysfunction in the way my brain processes any of it's senses. For instance, in my auditory processing, I often misinterpret words, sounds, sylables, or inflections. In this example, I will show how this particular 'disability' can generate some rather humorous results. This is precisely what happened during this wonderful moment, when I 'mis'-heard perhaps the best tip for 'cleansing the soul' that I may have ever received.

I was in the eighth grade, attending a small private Catholic school (although I'm Protestant) and sitting through another difficult mass with our terrific Italian priest. Our previous priest had been an exciting man who always grabbed my attention with interesting and insightful dialogues that seemed to reach me. The new priest aimed all of his sermons towards the younger students in our middle and elementary school melting pot. I had a hard time keeping my concentration on him as I spent most homilies leaning forward with my right hand holding my chin to keep my eyes and mind from wondering off.

One mass, during the Lenten season, our priest was giving his sermon on how effective the act of depriving ourselves of certain edible pleasures is at clearing our minds and souls (OK, I don't necessarily recommend certain forms of fasting for someone with SPD, but that's besides the point). At one particular moment during the sermon, he told us "When you give up chocolate, you cleanse your soul."

I immediately started shaking uncontrollably, as I nearly bit my fingers to keep myself from bursting into laughter. Other people around me shot me quizzical looks and questioning stares. Apparently, no one else found this very funny, at all.

You see, I hadn't heard "When you give UP chocolate", I had heard, "When you give A BUTT chocolate, you cleanse your soul." At that moment, my severe boredom and dreams of escape were met with the beautiful imagery of distributing 'butt chocolates' to rectify my spirit during Lent. The idea was so funny, I drew the attention of my strict nearby teachers, and almost had to remove myself from the group. I could not believe they didn't find this funny, but I later came to realize... they hadn't heard what I had heard.

Living with an auditory processing dysfunction is no joke, but sometimes, God throws in a little bit of humor. It's just for those who can hear it. This was, and now it's also for the great readers of this site.

Keep helping yourself and those you love, and success shall come, but never forget to find the humor in where you are now.

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